Almost every human being knows what it’s like to feel shy. That’s right: about 90% of those surveyed say that they have felt shy in some situation in their life, even if they don’t identify as being shy.

So what does that feel like?

Although shy people are thought to be silent and stoic, the actual experience of feeling shy is quite active:

Nervous, anxious, out of control

Sweaty, blushing, shaky

Racing thoughts, unable to focus on the task at hand

On display, as if everyone in the room is scrutinizing you and judging you

But of course each person’s experience is going to be different.

When I feel shy, I can’t just enjoy the moment, I over-think things. I think about what expressions I’m making, what I’m going to say, whether my conversation partner thinks I’m smart or interesting, how I can get out of the situation. In a word: awkward.

Sometimes, though, I feel shy when I’m not in a social situation, but when I’m preparing to be in one. For example, when I’m invited to meet someone or to attend some event. Initially, I’ll want to go. But then some sort of overwhelming feeling settles in. The invitation sours. I can come up with all sorts of reasons for not attending. Sometimes, I’ll cancel or fail to attend at the last moment. But most times I will show up. And guess what: 9.9 times out of 10, I’ll have a great time. My anticipatory nerves and shyness will melt away. I’ll leave, thinking, “Why don’t I do this more often?”

That’s the perplexing thing about shyness. Shy people actually want to be with other people, but their nerves or anxiety or self-doubt gets in their way.

QUESTION: What does shyness feel like for you? How would you explain it to someone who’s never felt shy?