Picking up where I left off —

Not surprisingly, my shyness and insecurity continued on into adolescence, when every teen’s social life becomes vastly more complicated.

But I didn’t withdraw and clam up, or shrink into my fears. Instead, I acted out to cover up my shyness. I pretended I knew what I was doing, even though I was totally confused. I tried desperately to act cool, although I lamely wished I could return to childhood, when making and keeping friends was so much easier. I tried to copy what the cool kids were doing, but always felt that I was falling desperately short. I looked around me and all of my friends and classmates seemed to be handling things better than me. They seemed instinctively know how to act, what to wear, which unwritten social rules to follow.

Now, if you knew me back then, you probably wouldn’t have realized that I was shy — perhaps socially awkward, like most of my peers, but not a wallflower in any sense of the word. I had friends, I got invitations. I was involved in some extracurriculars and wasn’t too fearful or inhibited to try out for the school play and other activities that would thrust me into the spotlight. I wasn’t the most popular kid in my class, but I wasn’t a total dork, either.

So why do I say that I was shy?

Because shyness tends to permeate all aspects of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s not just being a stereotypical wallflower at a party. It makes you feel anxious before a social event, clouds your participation, then causes you to judge yourself, usually cruelly and negatively, afterward. Shyness holds you back from being your true self if you let it. And that’s definitely how I felt back then. Like there were some invisible walls that prevented me from expressing myself, understanding my vulnerabilities, shrugging off the awkwardness I felt around other people.

I covered up all of that with rebellion. Quite the opposite of the stereotypical shy teen.

I look back on my younger self and I just want to offer a hug, and a few words of advice. Namely, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’re not the only one who doesn’t know how to cope with adolescence. Give yourself a break!

Question: Were you shy in your teens? How did that manifest? Were you quiet and withdrawn, hoping to be overlooked? Or did you act out, be the class clown, or find other ways to mask it? Tell me all about it in the comments below. Thank you!