Shyness is a unique cluster of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that result in a wide variety of internal and external experiences. Stammering, feeling uncomfortable, blushing, judging oneself, opting out of social situations even before they begin.

Although shyness may look differently on the surface, there’s one thread running through them: Shy people think of shyness negatively. Although others may think blushing is attractive, or humility is a virtue, or being content and confident enough to not want to grab the spotlight is a good thing, shy people themselves think of all of these experiences as something they’d love to be rid of.

So let’s conduct a thought experiment. Let’s flip the script. Let’s Celebrate Shyness.

Take a typical social experience that makes many people feel shy: talking to someone you don’t know well and hoping you will make a favorable impression.

Now, a shy person will for the most part think: “I dread going to this event. She won’t like me. I’ll say something stupid. I am saying something stupid! My palms are sweaty. I’m acting nervous. I’m making her feel uncomfortable. She’s trying to ditch me for someone more interesting. Why am I such a loser?”

Then, later, the shy person will ruminate on the encounter and how badly he or she turned off their companion, replaying the event over and over and over again.

No wonder why shy people feel so negatively about these socially risky encounters!

So let’s flip the script.

Let’s imagine the internal dialog of an extroverted person in the same situation.

“Of course I was invited to this cocktail party! I’ll bet she went out of her way to make sure that I was invited. I’m sure she’ll look for me while she’s waiting for my entrance. I better wear loud colors so that everyone can spot me in the crowded room. I’d love to tell her all about what a great time I had on my trip to Rome and why she should go. I’m sure she’ll want to hear all about my weekend, too. No wonder why she wants to introduce me to all of her friends!”

OK, maybe that’s a bit harsh. But which person would you want to talk to? The kind of nervous person who wants to impress you, or the socially confident person who assumes you’re already impressed?

I know which one I’d choose.

Let’s flip the script again:

Although a shy person will interpret their behavior in stressful social encounters negatively, there’s a lot to applaud as well, including:

Trying to make a favorable impression

Being excited about attending an event — in fact, being so excited they get nervous beforehand

Allowing your conversation partner to take the lead

Not monopolizing your partner’s time and attention

Not trying to grab the spotlight, boast or brag, or act in a self-important manner

Being a friendly, unassuming face in the crowd

Being polite

Analyzing the encounter afterwards to learn how to improve their performance

Shall we flip the script again? Let’s list the reasons why extroversion can be a negative trait. Generally, extroverts:

Assume they’ll be welcomed and liked by all

Need others’ attention to feel good about themselves

Don’t worry about impressing others

Monopolize conversations

Aren’t concerned with their conversation partner’s needs

Seek the spotlight, including when it’s inappropriate

Don’t respect social boundaries

Don’t analyze their behavior afterwards to improve their social skills

If you look at the above lists, you’ll see that there are plenty of reasons to celebrate shyness — and perhaps not so many reasons to think that extroversion is by definition a positive trait. Overall, you’ll find that many people would rather get into a conversation with a polite, unassuming shy person than be forced to listen to (rather than talk with) someone who automatically assumes they’ll be welcomed with a shower of rose petals and kisses. Yes, I’m being harsh, and I’ve drawn rather broad portraits of shy people and extroverts, but I think the contrast shows that flipping the script on these encounters reveals many reasons to celebrate shyness.

QUESTION: What are some additional positive qualities shared by shy people?